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[ 08.2005 ] Godsake...alot has been going on!! I guess I should tell you the story as I lived it... On Sunday, May 8th, me and my fiance Sara went to my mom and dad's house to hang out. We thought that people would be home. No one was there. We just figured we'd wait for them, and we began to watch some tv, because neither of us have tv at our places. About an hour into this, my cousin Adam came walking in. Now, I have to give you some background about Adam. He is 20 years old. He has a ton of charisma, and is quite a popular kid. This is good, and also bad. Adam had alot of trouble with the "peer pressure" and had his fair share of substance abuse struggles. In the back of my mind, I saw Adam as a few different things. 1.Troubled, searching for some peace of mind. 2. Always looking for a good time, most of the time in good taste. 3.Incredibly charming, and loving. You mix these together and you have someone who is incredibly edgey. In one hand you want to say "Slow down man" and on another..."Godspeed" One thing is always certain, Adam's heart is pure. You can see it in his eyes. For this positive half...i am forever cursed...well back to my story... So, Adam comes into the rec room. I am a bit surprised by his sudden appearance and I say to him "whoa what are you doing here man, is your family here too"? He reply's "No, I am here to meet Jeremiah (my adopted brother) so we can go the church for a missions trip meeting". "WHAH?? I didnt even know Jeremiah was going on a missions trip, please explain" Adam: "well...we are going to Guatamala, to build 3 churches in a little over a week" Me: "whoa, thats awesome. I am really glad to hear your doing that man, sounds amazing" At this point, there is a glow on Adam's face that I never saw. Sure he was always glowing in some way, I never saw the negative side, even though I knew it was there...but this time...the glow was one of pure "anxiousness, and excitement" Thats right. Adam found something he had been looking for. I could see it on his face. Its all I could think of, but to be sure I didnt lead on to Adam that his older cousin had occasionally worried about him and saw this awaken spirit in him, I responded with a well acted "Wow man, thats great" In my head I was saying "This is it Adam, this trip is going to change your life man". At this point, we all kinda floated our words into cheap talk. Whats up? Whats been going on? Do you like Billy Idol's new album? (we were watching him on tv) and the small talk continued. Jeremiah eventually walked in, late as ever. Adam got up , and they left. The 2 of them were behind me and Sara, and I didnt even look at them, as I just yelled back to them "later boys"...... fast forward its Tuesday, May 10th. Im at work with dad. We are painting houses, and as usual, one person gets an odd thought in thier head and talks about it with the other. In this case, it was me. I began to think about my Aunt Marybeth, who was killed in 2001. This is my dad's sister. My father had a major breakdown at the time when this happened, so occasionally we talk about it. Today was one of those days.It was lunchtime and we were talking about the events that took place that long week or 2 in the summer of 2001. After the talk, my father looked up to me and said "Stephen, its been a good 4 years, and our family hasnt been through anything like that since, be prepared because its bound to happen again" We both had a really sick feeling and just kinda shrugged it off as anyone would do. Back to work, like any conversation like that, its a trap. No one knows what life will bring, so who cares right? Dont ask me why this conversation came up, because we couldnt have asked for a nicer, sunnier day. Fast forward again, its 8AM Wednesday May 11th.The phone rings. I wake up pissed, because the phone isnt supposed to ring until 8:15 for my wake up call. I grab the phone. "HELLO?!?" My father is on the other end. He is crying. Behind his voice, I hear my mother sobbing. My father says to me "Stephen, Adam was killed last night" I dont believe him. It was too rediculous. Adam who? I start thinking. Denial! "Is this a joke dad"? A minute or 2, felt like an hour, as i hung up the phone and just laid there, in a daze. Fear just pushing down. My throat couldnt even form the words out loud.That morning, somewhere around 1AM, Adam left us behind, and was with the good Lord. The remainder, of what felt like the longest day of my life, was filled with so much sadness, grief, sympathy, love, pain, fear. Questions were asked, and alot less answers were returned. The night before, around 9PM, Adam and his friends were on thier way to another friends house. Adams friend was driving. They had a single car accident. I wont go into detail, because it is too painful to type out, but, to sum it up...The driver lived. Adam did not!!!!! He was flown to the nearby hospital where he died early wednesday. Why did I share all of this backstory, just to tell you that this happened? Because I cannot help but think about the terrible timing. You know, I listen to everyone talking. Everyone is quick to tell each other "This was Adams time, God took Adam home." Etc. I dont believe these words. I believe a concious decision, followed by a mistake, led to Adam's death. I would never tell my family those things, as much as I would not tell my family that the Tsunami was the hand of God. I believe we are on this planet, at the hands of free will, which is biting us in the ass. Dont get me wrong. God has a plan. Through this terrible accident, we see change. Mostly good change. We see people experiencing God's love, and maybe...somewhere, his peace and mercy. We see people grabbing onto each other with all the love they can muster. I have learned to love my family and friends deeper than I ever could have. Thats the sad truth about us...we need wake up calls, very few of us can learn this without pain. I refuse to be a poet at a funeral!!!! This is how I feel.Our family is in mourning over a horrific tragedy. It couldnt have happened to a more lovely kid too, thats the part that kills me. Adam never deserved this, not then,and certainly not a week before his mission trip. This long winded backstory is my last memory of Adam, and probubly my favorite memory too, because I saw something in him that a vast majority of people were robbed from experiencing. That light in his eyes, that expression that said so many things. Things we were waiting to hear for so long. We love you Adam, and we will see you again, ahh, there it is, the one thing I agree with!!! and btw...Adam, in good taste (depending on your perspective) made it to Guatamala. His ashes were spread there, and through donations, a few more churches were able to be built. The churches were dedicated to Adam, and somewhere in Guatamala, Adam's name is carved in the cement of one of the buildings. So there it is. My little ode to my little cousin. Adam? If you are listening...keep em on their toes, you lived life full force, why stop now? Anyway, on a lighter note... During the horrible month of May, I also had the pleasure of being asked to fill in on rythem guitar for THE HUNTINGTONS. I learned over 20 songs in less than 2 weeks, the same 2 weeks that the whole Adam thing was going on. Needless to say, It was a busy time. I did 2 shows with the band. The band had 4 more shows. I did the first 2, and Cliffy (xhuntingtons) returned to do the last 2. Everything went well, I sweat like a mad bastard, and i played that way too. This friday, i will return to the stage yet again for the AAWESSON show at Purple Snore, er i mean Door festival. Its funny too, i tried to play that damn festival for years. TOTM was more than established enough to play that festival, and we would have, had the administration over here that runs Purpledoor, didnt think that TOTM was an evil antichristian band or something. ?!?! So, finally I get the gig, but as a drummer no less, for a band that is nothing like TOTM. Go figure. At this point I couldnt care any less than I do. It will be a good time though, and my friends band rocks. I was looking forward to summer, and its been overall, an ok summer, despite death and humidity. The family did a week vacation, it felt like 3 days. What a ripoff!!! It was a great time while it lasted. It was fun to see Justin Carrol (x narcissus, now my brother n law) drunk off of his ass trying to play scattergories. Everybody likes when I make the pina coladas!!! :) So, I guess I should elaborate a bit on the fact that my damn cd FINALLY came out, eh? Why bother? Well, I am glad Tekipyro pulled through financially, but I am sick of the website of theirs. How the hell is anyone going to buy the damn thing???? Tekipyro gets a lifetime achievement award for being the slowest operation since Bush's war!!!! But, alas, its here, and i have one thing to point out: I thought the real integrity was on the cd. well yes, but...the TRUE integrity is that I held onto the fight for 3 long years, and the cd now exists...ahh just in time to hear people whine and complain that they dont like the alarm clock on track 2. I dont like it either, which is why its the leading beat on track 2, because its just that kind of album!!!!! SO what are you guys waiting for, buy it already!!!! I probubly wont make a record like it ever again. Here now are cds that I am currently listening to: Dredg - el cielo, catch without arms. I like ElCielo much more, but both cds are just great rock, with really clean melodies. BadBrains - rock for light, quickness. I like Rock for light much more, but both cds kick.Quickness has got some filler though! Daniel Amos - Fearful Symmetry. My personal fave of the alarma chronicles. Probubly the only one who thinks this.Production is the best of the 4, and songs are stronger, i think, than the others, although, sanctuary from vox humana, swoon!!! I am also listening to their album, motorcycle. Great stuff. im watching... THE DEVILS REJECTS!!!! 4 out of 4 stars people!!! FUN MOVIE!!! A much more serious and realistic approach, as aposed to the carnival ride "Dr. Satan" of the first film, known as House of 1000 corpses. The firefly's are just phenominally sadistic. Rob stick to movies my man, unless its White Zombie time. Land Of The Dead- George Romero's 4th of the series Zombie flick (the sequel to Night of the living dead, dawn of the dead, day of the dead) Romero made a totally memorable and different film here. He plays on the theory that, if zombies have taken over the earth for years, that maybe they start to change, like everything else does. He gives the zombies charecter. You sympathize with them. For once, the enemy isnt just cannibalistic zombies, but mankind itself. GREAT movie!! War of the worlds - scary movie. I was creeped out the first half, actually quite a bit of this film. Speilburg, you bushy bear, i love you. Star wars 3- AWESOME. the love scenes were few and far between, and the violence and sadness was at an all time high. Great movie. Acting was a bit better too. Batman begins - Hell yes!!! Christian Bale owns the batman role, followed by Michael Keaton. Im sorry friends, but they were the ONLY 2 to do it right. Mostly Bale though. After Burtons first, with Jack N as the joker, this was the best batman movie. This and the first 2 batmans were great. If you want a dark film with Christian Bale, rent American Psycho. His best flick. Friday the 13th 1 through 9, and Nightmare on Elm St 1 through 6, so that I can watch freddy vs. jason. Im watching one at a time, switching back from Friday to Nightmare, so Freddy vs Jason will be a fun treat. Every F13 and Nightmare series movie are not necessarily filmed in order of a story making sense. I will give you the proper order, in the event they stop making sequels. Friday the 13th. 1, 2, 3,4,5,6,7,8,9, FvsJ, jason X. Nightmare on Elm St. 1,2,3,4,5,6,FvsJ, 7. This would make sense because of the rediculous storyline for Jason X, which was weak in alot of ways. Speaking of all of this horror, I will be attending Horrorfind Weekend. A horror convention. I will be meeting some cool celebs in the horror world, pics will follow later. IM OUT OF HERE!!!! More later. Love ya'll -Stephen -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [ 04.26.05 ] -------------------------------- StephenMarkSarro: hey StephenMarkSarro: we have another problem StephenMarkSarro: i need you to take down the newest personal commentary post! youre a jerk: oh my god youre kidding StephenMarkSarro: i got censored again youre a jerk: dude, this is soo gay StephenMarkSarro: I know, I am sorry...but... -------------------------------- : ALL LOVELY LADIES LOOKING FOR A GOOD TIME WITH A FAT, SEXY DREADLOCKED SECOND COMING OF MEATLOAF...LOOK ELSEWHERE...THIS ONE IS TAKEN! I proposed to my girlfriend Sara. She said yes...BAM!!!! I will be a married man as of fall. ! ;) I love you Sara All letters of well wishes: Send Sara congrats here: stolenfromthesea@aol.com And me: stephen@stephenmarksarro.com Sara deserves all the kindness you can muster! CHUBIE HUNTINGTON IS BORN: I will explain later...Or perhaps be checking the appearances section in the coming weeks.Cliff knows what I mean, btw...how is your head? Watch those pipes bro, cuz im comin around the bend, possibly in a size M! Should I find a M Squadfive-o shirt? Also... MY ALBUM WILL EXIST BY MAY Record labels, bad communication, laziness, a picky as hell artist, you know the deal... alrighty then... WITH LOVE...yes, even YOU! -Stephen  also check out stephen on www.myspace.com | |
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First off, a conversation between my fiance Sara, and my long time friend Vlad, who is currently in China, teaching english, and hopefully saving world domination for someone else...speaking of domination... Stolenfromthesea: daaaaaan Prof Tepes: [high-pitched shrieking] Stolenfromthesea: heh Stolenfromthesea: whats up Stolenfromthesea: you missed my birthday and stephen's birthday you know Prof Tepes: "Loading files on my iPod" kinda up. Stolenfromthesea: if you miss the wedding, you will be in some serious trouble i hope you know Prof Tepes: There won't be any weddings when I return. I will obliterate social order. Stolenfromthesea: but there will be a wedding and you have to come Stolenfromthesea: maybe if i make you my maid of honor.... Prof Tepes: I believe that is Steve's role after the wedding. Stolenfromthesea: hahaha that shows how much you know Prof Tepes: I know it wouldn't be his first. Stolenfromthesea: i know it better than you Prof Tepes: And I'm not upset about that. Stolenfromthesea: good Stolenfromthesea: that reminds me..... Prof Tepes: But his ass is always mine. Stolenfromthesea: i was just gonna bring that up Stolenfromthesea: we have to negotiate the terms of that "ownership" Prof Tepes: That's an improbable situation, but I will give you a reasonable lease. Stolenfromthesea: hmmm Stolenfromthesea: let me hear your offer Prof Tepes: Well, I have to work on the finer points with my sadistic lawyers. Anything I say now would compromise a later agreement. Stolenfromthesea: lol Stolenfromthesea: i'm confident we can work something out Prof Tepes: I'm thinking of plating it in gold. Stolenfromthesea: as it stands right now, i am the only person with access to his ass Prof Tepes: Physical access, yes, but not digital. Stolenfromthesea: hah Stolenfromthesea: frankly i am not sure that this "ownership" is even valid or binding Stolenfromthesea: as far as custody goes, there hasn't been any attempts or interest in visitation or contact Prof Tepes: It is from a Vladimirian law system. Prof Tepes: You're confusing "legal guardian" over "ownership". Stolenfromthesea: well that is because the "property" isn't a non living item, rather part of a living human being, therefore ownership does not apply Prof Tepes: If I can "own" a dog, I can "own" Steve's ass. Stolenfromthesea: the ass in question is attached to a human, and it is not possibly to own said human or any of his parts Prof Tepes: ...until I bought Steve's ass. Now there's precident. Stolenfromthesea: unfortunately, i'm afraid you were misled Prof Tepes: Not really, because you are working out of a US law system, but the transaction occurred through the Vladimirian law system. Prof Tepes: And I would not mislead myself. Stolenfromthesea: the last time humans or their attached and living parts were able to be owned was in the time of slavery, and that is most illegal in the states, which is where the ass was created, and where it has and still exists, therefore this as you call it "Vladimirian" law system is null and void Prof Tepes: The Vladimirian law system does not recognize the pathetic, temporal attempts of civility by mortal beings. Just as a soul belongs to God or the Devil, Steve's ass can belong to me. Prof Tepes: Do you really think you are your own master? Stolenfromthesea: sorry, my little friend, but you are out of luck, because when stephen and i actually marry, we will belong to each other, all things before our union will be forever be nullified and unimportant, therefore his ass will be his and mine Stolenfromthesea: i am the master of the universe, and stephen's ass Prof Tepes: And your own delusionment, apparently. Stolenfromthesea: get used to it Prof Tepes: Actually, anything that becomes attached, joined, or unionized to Steve's ass will come under my influence. Prof Tepes: Marry Steve and you will enter my domain. Stolenfromthesea: yes, well i am not particularly threatened by such a statement, you are hardly a present "owner" of anything Prof Tepes: I can't help it if you are blind. You have to learn to open your own eyes. Stolenfromthesea: i can't help it if you're not even around here to "own" what you say you own Stolenfromthesea: therefore it's not even something that would affect anything Prof Tepes: Am I not around? You so sure about that? Stolenfromthesea: it is something that exists only in your head Stolenfromthesea: yep Stolenfromthesea: i thought i'd humor you for a while, get a few kicks Prof Tepes: Well, you're allowed to feel that way. Stolenfromthesea: indeed Stolenfromthesea: i like stephen's ass very much Prof Tepes: Enjoy your pitiful clinging to your fleeting sanity. Stolenfromthesea: heh Prof Tepes: I like it too. We have something in common. Stolenfromthesea: you're a funny little guy Stolenfromthesea: yeah except i get to grab it every day Stolenfromthesea: and you don't Prof Tepes: That is true, but I'm slightly taller than Steve. Prof Tepes: My touch is still felt. Stolenfromthesea: uh huh Prof Tepes: You shouldn't think that time is linear. Stolenfromthesea: yeah but no one likes it when you touch anything Stolenfromthesea: oh except for those chinese chicks Prof Tepes: I don't care if they do. Stolenfromthesea: well must get to bed, have a full day of grabbing stephen's ass tomorrow and i need my rest Stolenfromthesea: have fun not grabbing stephen's ass Prof Tepes: I'm grabbing it right now. Stolenfromthesea: sorry but no Prof Tepes: At all times and no time. Stolenfromthesea: what a sweet little dream you're having Prof Tepes: It's where the nightmare's happen. Stolenfromthesea: i sense this will result in fisticuffs should you ever get enough balls to return to the states Prof Tepes: No, because reality would cease. Stolenfromthesea: hmm or maybe it would begin Not sure what to say...I just love you 2. I have been busy assembling a new band. I have had some luck, but unfortunately it is not completed just yet. I do have quite a bit of new material that I am obsessively eager to share with the world. I have been talking to my friend from ElPaso,TX about playing bass, because he does just that anyway, and he is a perfect spirit for what this new band is up to.Im not really content with finding just "musicians", people who just "wanna rock" but rather people who dont fit into the normal mold of a rock musician, people with so much on thier heart that it is seeping with emotion and integrity, people who want to play something really good, but also want to make the audience remember. To feel something they havent felt in a very long time, if ever before. Thats who I am looking for. Keep praying Justin, your church here is in need of help!!!!! As for the band's sound, I have been asked this a few times, mostly though, people understand what to expect, but for the few who asked, and for all those who wonder silently...The new band is a loose mixture of the following: The Cure, Melvins, Pink Floyd, Neurosis, Karp, Ministry, Mental Destruction, King Crimson, Mr Bungle, Frank Zappa,Queens of the stone age, Porno For Pyros, etc. Or if you ask me...it is doom/sludge type heavy, added with the dark atmospheric sounds of new wave and 80s sexual driven rock, mixed with the progressive psychadelic elements of classical rock and finally, with an added touch of industrial/noise music. On Saturday the 9th of april, I went to see FANTOMAS  in Philly. If you dont know who Fantomas is, its Mike Patton (faith no more/Mr Bungle singer) on vocals, Trever Dunn (Mr. Bungle bassist) on bass, Buzz Osborne (Melvins singer/guitarist) on guitar, and Dave Lombardo (original slayer drummer) on drums. The band tore through a million tracks from all 4 of thier albums, including the newest, suspended animation. What a mind blowing show, this band actually pulls this shit off live (you know what im talking about if you heard the albums). I have seen them before, in an arena actually, (which if you have heard these guys you can only imagine), opening for Tool in 2001. The best part of the night was meeting Mike, Trever and Buzz, and having Mike and Trever sign my Mr. Bungle LP for Disco Volante. Swoon!!!!
Trever mentioned that he thought Disco Volante looked much better on LP, and I stressed that i liked the sound better too, because of the kinda Tom Waits production. I am not sure if he agreed or not, but he was kind, shook my hand and thanked me for coming out. Im certainly glad I did, because bungle was one of my biggest influences in my freakout sponge period of life, where I absorbed alot more music and appriciated alot more, and was particularly blown out of my mind when I heard Bungle. They helped me slow down in a sense. Listening to Mr. Bungle meant I had to slow down and realize what I knew before about music, smart or not, was complete shit! Absolute shit! You guys will be missed. Mr. Bungle RIP!
But friends, slow down, dry your tears, blow your nose, say a prayer and enjoy fantomas every day you can, because who the hell knows when they will fade!!
Ok, so as we know by now, Hunter Thompson shot himself on my birthday. Feb 20th. Geez. What a freaking amazing writer huh? Sad how he went, but it also kinda makes alot of sense. It has given me some peace about what I have also thought about, when I play out my golden years in my head. What a scary time that will be. I recently bought the Rolling stone issue with Hunter dominating. The stories are fun, and really breathtaking when you think about it. I wish I had been into this guy for years and years, but I havent. I would love to be able to swallow all of the fear in my life and take a leap forward and live just slightly too close to the edge. I will try friends, I will try to uphold truth, but not just like before, but 100% and with all of the integrity I can muster! Blah blah, im a broken record... Here is what I am listening to, lately... Big Business-Head for the shallow - Karp/melvins fans listen up! You have GOT to purchase this record!!! Jared from Karp on vocals and distorted bass, and some guy from Murder City Devils on drums. 2 guys! Alot of noise. Heavy low tuned rumbling doom rock in the vein of Melvins, but its way more metallic. This RULES!!!! Sounds just like Karp but slightly more metal sounding. Godsake, come to PA boys!!! Queens of the stone age - Lullabies to Paralize - Shut the critics up. This record is far better than ratedR, but it falls in between that and SongsForTheDeaf. SFTD is definitely the best QOTSA record, but...this record sounds really good, and has scarce beef to it. Could have been heavier. Drums could have been more creative, but the guy is a powerhouse in what he plays. Vocals I dig. Songs are ultra-catchy. Maybe a song or 2 as filler, mostly solid. Queens of the stone age - Rated R - I just got this. I am not into it quite yet. It sounds like a record where the experimentation and not so heavy songs are kinda still in limbo, where the heaviness and softer experimental stuff on SFTD were alot more flowable. This record is really good, but doesnt flow just yet. I think its me, because there are some mighty fine tunes here. Fantomas - Suspended Animation - Why bother with a review? This is one of the greatest artrock albums ever, not becuase specifically this album is so good, but ALL of thier records are so good, and becuase this band is so good!!! Thank you Jesus for Mike, Trever, Buzz and Dave. BUY THIS ALBUM! The record comes in the form of a calander. the albums songs are called monday, tuesday, wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday, sunday, etc...etc... there are 30 songs and basically if you havent figured out, its a full month set to song. 30 songs, 30 days, they focus on the month of april, which is also when the album released. Strange stuff. There is illustration which is quite a bit cartoonish on each page, from some japanese illustrator. There is even a little hole punched through the end of each page so you can hang this thing up like a calander, and it even has the metal coil to flip pages. REDICULOUS!!!!!!!!!! Other worth mentions i have been hearing... Ween - The Mollusk, Chocolate and Cheese, and Quebec David Bowie - the man who sold the world FILMS TO SEE: I just watched I Heart Huckabees. WOW. What an amazing movie. This film is in the comic vein of Big Lebowski, with the thinking level of Fight Club. Its just really really funny and smart and the dialogue is just on top form. Amazing!!!! Makes ya think, but it also reminds you of what is so good about man not knowing everything!!! I really cant think of anything I have seen worth mention, i used to mention just anything, now i dont feel like it. I have seen a few flicks, but just go see I heart huckabees, and tell me what ya think. Hey for those who care...I have a myspace.com account. Im under Stephen Mark Sarro. Spread me around like P,B and J! Love to all Stephen Tuesday, April 12 |
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02.2005
Hi friends. Holidays are now behind us. I get very motivated this time of year, because it is the beginning of the year, but also because, really...there is nothing in my way from this point, until november/december-ish. However...this year brings to me, plenty of goals. For 5 years, I have been a failed full time performer, and even a musician for that matter. Its been a crazy time this half decade. My last album came out in 2000, which was with my band Tantrum Of The Muse. We broke up and got together and broke up again, the whole time with me persuing it with all of my integrity and all of my energy. Sadly, we broke up officially in 2004. Now what alot of you might not know, and what my x-band might not accept fully is that, TOTM is to me, what The Cure is to Robert Smith. It is more of composition from myself, than a full on collaberation. What this means is, although the guys wrote most of thier parts, there was no band, and CERTAINLY not the trademark chemistry of TOTM, until you allow me to compose and piece together the songs, not to mention the lack of commitments in the past with the project. Who is a parent to a child? The one who birthed and raised the child? Or the abusive parents who continually run from it? Its a fair statement, and certainly not one to dig up old bones. Just a fact to bring my new point together. And that is, technically, and because of how LITTLE progress TOTM has had, mainly as of late, I can record a new album, and get some people to do it with me and it could still be TOTM with all reality in mind. However, I gave up TOTM because I fell into 2 thought processes. 1.God is showing me something. 2. It is time to move on. Time is wasting. What has happened to me since giving the band over to the Lord is (for those who understand this section of the faith in God) blessings that FAR surpass band life. One being that I met my future wife a week after giving over, really...my life and all i cared about in it, to God. For this, thought #1 becomes very valid. However, I recently put 2 and 2 together on something. A question if you will... "If we are not promised a future, if we are only alive for this moment, than how is it that we believe that someday God will bring us the desires of our hearts?" I think what happens is, God, knowing our fate...knowing what choices we choose to make, blesses or not blesses us because of that, and we fail to remember that it comes through our work spiritually, AND physically FIRST, that God can move in whatever life we have left. This makes me feel like my waiting is over, in choosing the life I want so desperately. My work is unfufilled though. I feel like, perhaps God wanted me to be willing more than just be a spiritually positive quitter. Right? I mean, we dont have tommorrow as a guarantee!?!? It is time to get off of my ass, and get back to work! Thank you God for your blessings this far, and please see my willingness to lay down my life in the manner you see fit, as I find a goal in my life and spend my life working on its successes!!!!! Help me to not corrupt what vision i have, and to not focus on $ as the successes I should have. Help me to travel, and to worship through the gift of art. Help me to be an encouragement to fallen soldiers everywhere, myself as one of them. Amen! So, sorry for the sidetrack prayer, well, no im not sorry, thank you for staying with me this far. So, back to my goals...I have music, duh, as one of them. I also want to wed my lovely woman. I plan to work harder than I ever have this year. 2005, yikes! So, on with some details of time passed... BTW, if any of you are reading this, and you were at the Chameleon Club, in Lancaster last Friday, and we hung out and talked and caught up, it was REALLY GOOD to see you all again. Get in touch right away!!!! You all know who you are! Thanks for the fun. Hmm...so Johnny Carson has passed away, every American with a song of hope is now trying to sing to us all with Tsunami's in mind (sigh) (note: I really think America needs a Tsunami of our own, west and east together, sigh), One of my new bands is STILL not working together, and will hopefully not let a reunion/last show from another band they are in, get in the way of that!! Yes Mr. You know I am concerned, and you know who you are!!!! :) ;) My solo album is not out yet, but word is that its being pressed, and the artwork needed some changes, since the time has been longer in its release, and so they now have it over there at National Media Services (the hot press) and it should either be done or being close to done right now. I gained winter weight. Dammit!!!!! Fruit and salad golore now. YAY (sarcasm)!! I hope you are all well...Stay tuned, no seriously, things are gonna pick up like mad.    Here is whats on: Harry Potter 1,2,3 - Good movies. I underestimated them, since the releases coexisted with LOTR. Gacy - this movie sucked. Doesnt even hold to the true story of John Wayne Gacy! Freaks - got the special edition dvd, and I gotta tell ya...its an awesome movie, but it could maybe use some updates. I might see it if Hollywood ever redid it. zoolander - Man, why did I not pick up on how funny this was when i saw it first time. Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 - Love it. Its so rediculously funny. I love the fact that Tobe decided to make it a comedic angle instead of trying (and failing to) making it better than the original. This movie never gets lame to me at all. Shawn of the Dead- People, you HAVE to see this if you love british (top notch might i add) humor, and you have a strong stomach. I didnt see this classic coming! Did you? listening to- U2-how to dismantle an atomic bomb - growing on me. I really dig #3 and 4. Too bad #3 proves my point about the Tsunami, and people having to devote a single to it. Ok so I said americans, i meant everybody else!! I think #5 (city of blinding lights) is the best U2 song since anything off of Zooropa. It seems to fall off towards the 2nd half of the cd still to me, perhaps it will change. Cranberries - Wake up and smell the coffee - This album is ok. I think it could be better. I say the same about every Cranberries album, except what is amazingly done...Bury the Hatchet. Petra - Jeckle and Hyde - YES, OF COURSE, I KNOW THAT ALREADY!!! GEEZ!! Let me explain...as a big petra fan -1974-1992 era stuff- I made a mix cd of a bunch of thier stuff. Then I kinda was wondering what happened to them, (yeah we all do this so shut up) and went and found out they had a "return to rock" grammy nominated new album. I found it online too, for $2.99 still sealed. I said "fuck it, its cheaper than a soft pretzel at sheetz" I have been spinning it here and there because it feels nastalgic even though the songs are new. Odd. Rush - Grace under pressure - this album was my least favorite album from them at the time, following thier horrid 90s albums (minus roll the bones) but it grew on me alot lately, as a more progressive album than most of the other late 80s stuff. Some awesome songs on here!!! Sleepytime Gorilla Museum - Of Natural History - What the hell are they feeding these people???? WOW, This record gets better and better. Thier shit doesnt stink and they KNOW this!!! six feet under - (hbo) soundtrack - I love the show, its my fave. Found this used. I now have the theme song on cd. Awesome. I wish this cd was good though, its not. It has a few awesome songs, but its mainly just bands, who's songs were on the season's various episodes. There are some songs that I recognized from powerful moments in the show, and im glad i have them. Some are like "eh skip it" Overall its real cool though. Cant wait for season 5. John Zorn - magick - This has some amazing string and clarinet work. The record seems to be dedicated to the work of Allister Crowley and his book magick. Yikes!!!! Zorn is just nuts, and also overwhelmingly talented. Did you notice none of my music is really all that new? Not much really that popular on my list. :) I tend to enjoy it that way. Peace -Stephen 
Hello gang. First let me apoligize for that horrific display of holiday cheer that was available for download (still is i think, hopefully not). That sweater was not meant to be worn, let alone by a man with sausage tits. ;) Well, things have been looking up immensely. I have you to thank, who have prayed for me over the past few months, and of course the good Lord. Christmas was wonderful. Sara and I are wonderful. And all of my unmentionables are looking straight up. Thank you GOD! My album is coming out soon, that also helps. When I say soon, i mean within weeks. Dont be assholes people, this is independant music, I am as exhausted by broken promises as you are. Buy it when you see it available. You WONT hear another single album like it! Here now is my recap of likes and dislikes of 2004. Likes - 1. I met my wife to be. Sara. I love you 2.I saw The Cure 3 times. The best show of all 3 was in MD, with Sara, in the first day of fall weather, way earlier than expected...trees all around us. Amazing. 3.Saw David Bowie. Played alot of classics. Sounded amazing. 4. Six feet under, season 4 came and went. What fun. Dislikes- 1.The end of the year Tsunami which wiped out thousands of people, places and things in South Asia. 2.TOTM breaking up, which was harder than anyone knows. 3. A perfect circle releasing a bad album. 4.Six feet under announcing season 5 is the end. 5. My long overdue album being bumped back again. 6.Good friends leaving, bringing needed change, but non the less making things pathetic. 7. Dimebag Darrel's untimely death, and more so the way it went down. 8. Mr. Bungle officially breaking up, DAMMIT!!!!!!! Patton, you bastard!!!!! Just a few things. There are so many good and bad things still lingering...but, who the hell cares anyway, right?? Its not about then, its not about tommorrow, its about right now. 2005 will be lived that way! God willing, i will marry Sara, and get into music on a much better level than I have been. Being away from the stage, and the interaction for half a decade has been HELL. Happy new year folks. here is my playlist/watchlist. garbage in, garbage out - napolean dynamite - 4 star, perfect movie! Kill bill 1&2 - AMAZING!!! i think i liked 2 more. Peter Gabriel play the videos - brilliant!! I love Gabriel. Collateral - It was alright. Fox and Cruise were good, just didnt care for the end Ren and stimpy season 1 and 2 boxset - hehehe, im so glad i have this finally Anacondas, the hunt for the blood orchid - hehe, sorry gang. Its typical snake horror. I like creature features too, but this wasnt that great, as we kinda knew. had some jolt moments. David Bowie, a reality tour - I saw this tour....amazing!!! Dvd highlights, under pressure, and so many others Primus, hallucigenetics - I love this band. They are so freaking tight and so freaking off the wall. This quality is great. The stageshow looks freaking amazing. My only complaints...it looks like Les is slowing down. I guess its expected, but...its kinda awkward. Hmm..oh and the setlist didnt have some needed classics, other than that, awesome!) Open water - This movie did for me, what The passion of the Christ did for so many others!!! I just wanted to fall on the floor and cry. and speaking of which... The passion of the Christ - Amazing movie. Overhyped, im glad this made people re-evaluate their walks, but to hear the thousands of people crying all through out the theatre? Godsake. Another tactic like heavens gates hells flames? Did we HAVE to make this anything more than going to see any other historic moment captured beautifuly on film?? You didnt see vets standing outside the theatre passing our war tracts when people came out of saving private ryan, right? The message of this movie is heavy and should be taken seriously, despite what propaganda was shoved down our throats, as a result of this film creating what so many religious bigots thought was a "christian hollywood spotlight oppertunity"!! Get a life people! Let us digest out popcorn!!! kill your radio- The 77s - Happy Chrimbo (Christmas, the 77s style, this was a pretty cool disc. Some songs better than others, but hearing Roe sing the classic christmas songs is awesome.It is a must own for any 77s fan) Melvins - Stag ( probubly the best Melvins album out of all the albums that are just strange noisey tracks. This one has more songs inbetween the noise tracks, this one sounds way better than honky.) King Crimson - Thrax (Im really liking this album. Great band, i need to get RED) Peter Gabriel (1978) - This album is in need of growing on me. The songs arent his best known, which is a good thing in most cases...but these dont seem to have the flow of songs like games without frontiers, or the complete SO album. Sleepytime Gorilla museum - of natural history MP3s. ( i HAVE to get this album, wish i could find the damn thing!) and so much more...and blah blah blah Happy new year...here is to another list of good and bad waiting for us in 2006! take care of yourselves...love you all... -Stephen [12.16.04] Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat. Please put a penny in the poor man's hat!!! When it rains. It pours!!!!!! Quite frankly, I am just stressed to the max. Good God, shine some light please. Everyone around me is funny. They keep saying "read the story of Job, in the bible"! Sigh. Been there, done that friends. I have things to be thankful for, and I intend on sharing that on this post, in my attempts to be full of holiday spirit. HA! The story of Job is quite humbling, what is more humbling is to have bad and good things to share. A good friend of mine from El Paso, TX was talking with me and felt God tugging on his heart to help me out financially. I of course, didnt even mention the need for money, or ask for it. I just simply answered his question, with firm honesty. "So Stephen, how is life"? A week later, I recieved some $ from him. I couldnt believe it. What a blessing. What makes it all the more amazing, is this friend of mine, he isnt rich himself. It is good of friends to tell me where to go with my problems, and what chapters and verses to read, but damn...how amazing are your friends who really act on convictions? Thank you Justin! Speaking of thankful...thanksgiving was quite a success this year. I cant say I enjoy this holiday very much. What makes me excited about the holidays is getting off of work, and doing festive things with family and friends. I could care less about the food factor, and this holiday season is no exception. I have been trying to eat no more than 50 carbs a day. To enjoy thanksgiving, you CANNOT do that. I have given myself 10 cheat days this season. 10! I dont think I am going to use them all though, because I will be damned if I didnt gain a few lbs already. SHEESH! I am down to about 7 days. I dont really see the need to use them all though. One slice of pie and I am generally done obsessing over sugar. Mmmm, pumpkin pie. Its the damn egg nog i miss. I am also lactose intolerant. So, I need low carb, soy nog. Does that sound like egg nog to you? Yeah I didnt think so!!!! So, yeah anyway...thanksgiving. It was probably my fave thanksgiving of all. Wanna know why? Because this is the first holiday season in 5 years, that I am sharing with a beautiful girl. Thats right. Holidays are nothing without being with that special someone. For me, Sara is IT! She came and met me at my Aunt Karen and uncle Rus's house. Where a modest size group of family settled in, and ate like hogs. Now I will remind you, I had one piece of pie. It was the ameretto I was sipping that got me into trouble. If your gonna drink liquer on the holidays, make it ameretto with some nog or some vanilla coke. Mmm. Gosh, im back on the glutton subject again. So, after the family thing, Sara, my brother Ben and I made it back to my house, where we watched some flicks. Secret window: Good movie. This came out after all of the well known "you think it means this, but then with no shock it means a completely different thing" movie, but unlike all of those movies, IDENTITY most sticking in my mind for comparison, Secret Window was by far the most enjoyable for me. I loved the setting, I love Johnny Depp. I love John Turturro! The ending was a bit more fun than all those others. I have to say, not since fight club did I swallow a low blow trick ending movie like this. Fight club owns! (right Seth?) I enjoyed my holidays thus far. Sara and I have this thing where we spend sunday cooking some kickass dinner, and watching a movie together. With holidays here, we have been watching Christmas movies, and this past sunday we did the decorations. My tree is HOT! Decorated it with white lights and poinsettias. Yeah fake ones too, like my tree. I have been thinking alot about rock and roll. I have some things coming together. I have some things really on my heart that are NOT coming together. I have been thinking about both. I am scouting out some folks to join me in some serious noise in the vein of what angles I was pushing in TOTM, only just better and more of it. I have this new band I am in, with Sara, Udrick, and Mike Holt (Huntington fame). We dont know what to call ourselves. I think we should call ourselves "BIG BALLS" but I am not sure if the other guys want something that politically INcorrect ;) And of course, I am just joking. I seriously cant think of a good one. Someone write us with a good name. Dont hold out. We dont want a name with balls in the title. Ok? Well folks, I rambled to avoid writing whats really been bothering me. Here is a list of what I have been watching, reading, and hearing lately. Peace and love to you all. Keep the prayers coming. garbage in, garbage out - Shrek 2 (Great movie, but I am leaning towards liking the first more, Puss N boots owns this one) Envy (loved it. Who said it sucked? crazy bastards) Spiderman 2 (blew that boring first movie out of the water) Super size me (good movie, telling me what I already know.) Magnolia (This movie is a frog storm! Thats a good thing) Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind (Awesome movie. I liked adaptation more, but mighty fine movie) Jackie Brown (Great Terrentino flick. Almost as good as Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill) Elf (a cute holiday movie that brings the spirit of the classic Rudolph type shows to a new light, also the comedy of Will Ferrell never hurt anyone) A Christmas story ( I can NEVER get enough of this movie) The Stepford wives (This was cool. Frank Oz is the man. This story was great, very dark and somehow lighthearted at the same time. Walken is great as usual.) Mixed nuts (a mid 90s Steve Martin christmas movie comedy. Martin is one of my fave comedians. I love all those 80s-90s movies of his. This movie involves suicide prevention hotline employees, a serial killer, a crazy santa claus, a pregnant woman, a transvestite, and Adam Sandler. Funny shit!!) Coffee and ciggerettes (some of the sketches were laugh out loud funny, and others were lame. My fave was the 2 old fat italian guys, and of course Tom Waits and Iggy Pop. Oh and lets not forget Wu-tang Clan and Bill Murray) my christmas DVD want list - Six Feet Under, complete 2nd season, Carnivale, the complete first season, Halloween boxset (import) Shrek 2, Pee Wee's playhouse set, Seinfeld set, and a million others! "feel free to send them over, friends" kill your radio- U2 - How to dismantle an atomic bomb (joshua tree worthy, it is NOT. It is however much better than ATYCLB. Bono is ALMOST back to his singing game. The guitar is up front where it should have been on both Pop and and ATYCLB. Still not the typical up to par U2 album, but a good cd non the less, I just cant help but going back to Unforgettable fire, or any U2 album Zooropa and back.I do need to give this one more time to grow, cuz I only heard it once) Amy Grant - Home for Christmas (this is my fave christmas album. It has so many great songs. This cd brings back memories of a time when the only thing that mattered was being a kid and enjoying my childhood. Hot damn. Her first Christmas cd is real good too, the one from 83 i think it was.Another cd that brings old memories to mind) Fluffy - sugar pistol (What an amazing album. If anyone missed this, find it. I think there are copies of the album under the band name Duralux. Came out in 96. Its a mix of Bowie, Melvins and Sonic youth. Great cover of Bowie's moonage daydream) Smashing Pumpkins - Machina, the machines of God (Why did this band break up, after Machina, of all albums? Bad record sales? The HELL with that! This cd kills!!!) Filthy Diablo - ep (A band we played with or hung out with on tour back when TOTM was touring for The heart cd in 1999. Crazy mix of grind, classic rock and crust punk. Totally cool band) The Cure - the cure (My fave band. Yeah yeah i got this the day it came out in the early summer, but I am still spinning this album. Its not my fave cure album and I will be damned If I can name a fave, but this is a great album from a great band. I am currently spinning the japanese version with added tracks, plus one from the vinyl to boot. its a 15 song version) A perfect Circle - eMOTIVe (Political shit rock from a once great band. What the hell is this? Like I really seriously care to hear Maynard tell us to vote for Kerry by butchering already shitty hippy rock, and making it doom and gloom which may I add, sounds like It was thrown together in about a week, just to make the release date, which was election day. FUCK THIS CD! This band is awesome. 13th step was phenominal. Mer de noms, phenominal. There are about 2 or 3 songs on here that are tolerable and somewhat enjoyable. Everything else on here is a travesty.Not that Maynard was the only contribution, but I mean he just sticks out as the most annoying. Billy sings on some songs here and his voice is somewhat good but mostly 2nd rate Maynard to me. If the new Tool sounds like this, I am through with Maynard, a once great singer and collaberator. ) Currently, I am reading "Saucerfull of secrets: The Pink Floyd odyssey and the newest issue of Premiere, and HM Magazine, which printed about 20 words worth of the interview, that they refer you to in the magazine to go see. Here is a question... If you bought a magazine, dont you want the story? Isnt the magazine the official story print? Why would a print magazine that is trying to be SOLD, tell you to go and read the exclusive on the FREE website? Yeah, I didnt understand that either. Hmm. (?!?!?!?!) More later...I wasted enough of your time as well as mine. Love, Stephen | |
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[11.16.04] November has been a nightmare. I am dealing with things in my family that are so incredibly painful, I cant even type it out. To see my own mother and father devistated like this, over the actions of another "so called Christian" is unbearable. My parents are breathing literally, but really they are dead. They have completely been torn apart. It really feels like death seeing this, dealing with this. I cant stand it. I cannot stand money, and business, and greed. My family is worth alot more than this!!! Sigh. To add to my personal drudgery, my current album, which I have been sitting on, LITERALLY since March, 2002...has been, once again, pushed back. I am, of course extremely angered by this, but what can I do? The first of 3 attempts to release this album, there were a few pre-orders...and the label not only failed to release the album, but ran with the pre-order money, and I was responsible paying the customers back. Why was I responsible? Its called INTEGRITY, and if you have any, you will go a long way. So, I paid back the people who paid. I moved onto a 2nd "label offer" and this label ran out of money and broke it off. Fortunately, this label was honest, and didnt drag me through the mud like the first label did. Finally, a label that actually released cds before mine, has offered to release mine. I found out, a week before today (the royal 16th) that the album was being taken from the company it had been shipped to, and Teki Pyro was going to another pressing company. They decided to do this a week before release date. Now, they are working out which company they will take, and then they will get it out a few days after they make the decision. I am exhausted from this experience, and I would love to release more music. Independant music is a major bitch. A complete pain in the ass that I dont need. I love music, I love making it. I love making a song, from scratch, from a small idea or inspiration that grows into this huge melodic noise, and making a handful of these, and slapping some nice artwork together and looking at your masterpiece and saying "wow, this is great work" It really is satisfying. The reason that I made my solo album, Sympathy for the living" is so that I may step back and breathe deep and gaze at what I have created, and say "I am proud of this album" much like the overwhelming feelings of joy when the other records came out. Its an exciting time. Especially for this album. Its history of failed release attempts, Its vision as a record, its artwork, the personal loss that I dealt with in my family, which this record is dedicated to...it is all so important, and to see it constantly in limbo is a really really hard, emotional blow, and Is really painful. It is just so hard to get over. The album will be out soon, and when it does, everything will look, taste, smell, and feel better that day. I should have called Sympathy for the Sarro. For once, people, Im worth it. Keep my family in prayer if you think about it, however you choose to, if you choose to. And I love you all...love, Stephen |
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[11.03.04] Hello friends. Thank you for checking in with me. This section of the website is where I get to act as pretentious as you Xangahheads, wink wink. No seriously, this is where I will post any interesting things that might have come my way. Of course, what makes my "pretentious" comment half true is that I would assume the things I post here are really all that interesting. Forgive me if they are not. I am sorry for wasting your time. For now...just be checking back here on this site for plenty of facts, half truths, and sound clips pertaining to my "very first solo effort" which is being released on November 16th of THIS year, not NEXT year (is that a half truth?) Be sure to get the goods brothers and sisters. Love Stephen |
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